What We've Learned in a Year

Ryan and I recently celebrated our first anniversary of marriage along with the New Year. We got all dressed up and went to eat at nice, fancy restaurant with the most incredible food. If you'd like more information on the restaurant, shoot me an email. I could write an entire post about their food, but I digress. Sunday was the day of our actual anniversary, which we spent sitting at home in our pajamas playing a game.

From the very beginning of our relationship to now.

Our first year with 1 internship, 2 cats, 1 dog, 1 pipe leak and new floors, and all the other number things people include in lists like this. We've learned so much over this first year, and I expect, we'll continue learning for the rest of our lives. You learn something new everyday, as they say. Here is a measly list of five things I've learned in our first year.

1. One area I've been intentional about is communication. From day one, I wanted to make communicating simple. I know a lot of people who struggle in this area of their relationships. They struggle to be honest about things that bother or irritate them. I've seen this tear apart friendships, hurtful words becoming wounds festering under the surface. I always wanted Ryan to feel comfortable telling me anything even if it's something I'm doing that bothers him. What goes hand-in-hand with this is not being upset about his honesty. If I'm asking for honesty I can't very well be upset when he complies. This kind of open communication allowed us to have a conversation on our anniversary about what we could do to improve, or it there is anything bothering us after a year of living under the same roof.

2. Like most newly married couples, Ryan and I spend a lot of our free time together. We place a high value and priority on the time we get to spend together, even if that time is spent doing separate activities in the same room. The amount of time we get on weekdays is just not much time for us to spend together. We genuinely enjoy each other's company and doing things together, and we make an effort to engage in activities from both our lists of favorite things to do. Ryan goes running with me and accompanies me to various coffee shops, and in return, I play games with him on the Nintendo Switch, which I really do enjoy. Don't ask about how competitive these games are between us. Our time together is a precious thing that we safeguard.

3. Being an adult has it's perks, but it's not all fun and games when you're in the nitty-grittty. Much of the time you spend as an adult is doing one of three things: calling insurance companies to dispute a bill or file a claim, looking over and updating a budget, or making a grocery list and buying the groceries. As much as Ryan and I love spending quality time together, we inevitably have to spend some of it doing some pesky 'adult' activity. During our premarital counseling, our pastor gave us a book to read about finances, which helped us create a budget tailored to our expenses. Before we got married, I was unrestricted in how I spent my money. It was my decision and mine along, which can be a hard habit to break if your aren't careful. Over the first several months of marriage I began to notice a change in my mental attitude toward our money. I saw it as our money. When I found something I wanted to buy, rather than simply purchasing the item, my mind took a moment to think about the budge we so carefully created together. I thought for a moment if what I was thinking of purchasing was the wisest use of that money, and more often than not, it's not. I can't say this happens each and every time we buy things, we are human after all and we like to have fun, but we are both conscious of the finite resources we have to use.

4. The act of being married is, unfortunately, not a cure for insecurities. My insecurities about a number of things I won't share here did not magically disappear on our wedding night. Many of those we both had before our marriage still exist and still appear now and then, with one difference. When we feel our insecurities most acutely, we now have someone we can turn to about these deeply held fears and share the burden with them. Knowing what insecurities a person has about themselves tells you a lot about that person, and being married to them helps you understand how to best reassure them. It's okay to voice your insecurities and be comforted.

5. Over this year I've learned that sometimes the best reaction to a little annoyance is swallowing your words and your pride and moving on to other things. There are days when you hope you never have to wash another dish or pile of clothes every again. Most often, these are the exact days that seeing your sweet husband's lunch tupperware and coffee mug sitting beside the sink, unrinsed and outside the dishwasher makes steam rise off the top of your head. In the moment, I want to say something about how easy it is to just put the plasticware in the dishwasher, how the dishwasher is right there. But in these moments, I have a choice. Am I going to be upset that he put them on the side of the sink without washing them? Or, am I going to focus on the good things he does, like taking the top off his coffee mug the way I asked him to or that his lunchbox is put up in it's place? Rather than focusing on things that sometimes get on my nerves, I can instead focus on the may wonderful things Ryan does in our house. My reaction to slight annoyances like these can determine the course of the evening. I can choose to let go of the little things, swallow my pride and appreciate everything Ryan does for our little family.