Trusting God, and the Dreaded Waiting

Isn't it funny how the Lord speaks to us sometimes? When God is trying to show me something, He often has to use drastic means of communicating, which some might call "beating over the head." As you know, dear readers, I am in the thick of searching for a job, which means I'm writing this in my comfy pajamas and a ponytail, half fallen done.

I've been praying and praying and praying that God would move and open doors to wherever He wants me to work, no matter where that is. Above all else I want to be obedient to Him and where He's calling me to go. Of course, I've scoured LinkedIn and other websites looking for anything I'm qualified to do, in or out of my field (communications).

I have a deeply held knowledge that God has a job in mind for me. He just wants me to wait patiently and trust in His faithfulness in the meantime. It may not surprise many of you to know that that's another area, two, in fact, where I struggle. I've never been the best at practicing patience. I've gotten a little better at this over the years, but it's another virtue that doesn't come naturally to me. Trust is another big area that seems to elude me, and shows up with family, friends, and, you guessed it, God.

A new project I've recently undertaken has revealed the root of my trust issues: It all stems back to my relationship with the Lord. If I don't trust God, who loves me unconditionally, of course I struggle to trust imperfect humans.

Here, I'll admit it in black and white: I struggle to trust God, His goodness and faithfulness, and His plan for me. If you have a similar issue in your life or walk with the Lord, remember, where there's one who struggles with a particular sin, there are always more. You're not alone.

This past Sunday as Ryan and I sat among the rows and rows of chairs filled with other church-goers, our pastor taught on John 2 verses 13-25. This is one of three times it's recorded in the Bible that Jesus enters the temple complex in Jerusalem and, literally, overturns tables in His zeal for God's house and keeping it accessible to everyone, not just those who can pay for admission or a sacrifice. The point he hammered home was we should sit down some day and really evaluate what our zeal for Jesus has to compete with in our lives. The first one that popped into my head that morning was my job search. It occupies so much of my thoughts that sometimes it's hard to sit down and even open the Bible. ("Trust Me.")

Afterward, we went up the steep steps to our connection class on Martyrs throughout History, which is fascinating if you've never studied it! Here, the man teaching that morning, Steve, pointed out again and again that throughout history there have been periods where it seemed chaos ruled. But, among the chaos, God used specific people and groups to both spread the gospel and protect the growing church (the body of believers, not necessarily the physical structure.)

The part that struck me were the reasons behind the chaos that we don't know. Steve pointed out that we don't know God's timing for the events unfolding throughout history or why the things happening around or to us are happening, but we do know that God uses all things to work together for our good. ("Trust Me.")

Over and over that morning and the following days God has said, "Trust Me. Trust Me. Trust Me, Jennifer. And while you're waiting and trusting Me to work, renew the passion and zeal for Me in your heart."

A verse from Psalm 37 has clung to me this morning after reading it:

"Be silent before the Lord and wait expectantly for Him." (v.7).

We don't have to pester the Lord about our problems and the obstacles we're up against because He already knows and He's already working in those situations. We cry out to God asking Him to help, and by doing that we acknowledge that He can work in those situations for us. Knowing this, we should wait with the expectation that God will provide what we need and He will move when it is His time to move.