Remember in my last post when I realized I wasn't trusting God in my job search?
Well, friends, this vastly imperfect person stands before you today to say I've done it again. I'm still in the midst of job searching, which continues to have its high, highs and low, lows. It's a difficult process to go through, but one that teaches you about yourself in a number of ways. The lesson I'm learning over and over again, and that is not limited to this season of my life, is trusting God is hard, especially when our circumstances are not picture perfect.
Every time I think I've gotten the message loud and clear, I'm back to questioning if God is really looking out for me and if He's really on my side. These questions translate to questioning God's goodness. Do you believe He is a good God, who wants the best for you? Do you believe it enough to wait for His best, not the next best thing?
I had the pleasure of celebrating a dear friend's birthday this weekend, which found me sitting around a table knowing only the birthday girl. As luck or God's provincial timing would have it, I was seated next to a woman who had connections to a company I had interviewed for in previous weeks. It was a job that excited me and one I felt I could do well, and I was devastated to never receive a call back from them. It was heartbreaking. Getting your hopes up again just to have someone dump cold water on your head and tell you to wake up!
As this woman spoke with another across the table about her connection to the company, I overheard the name and turned my attention to them. I asked if she would mind telling me about the situation and I was shocked at what I learned. She and her sister and their husbands were all fired from the company within hours of one another due to a personal matter after working there for over three years. Since then, she had heard of others being hired and fired within a matter of 30 days for as simple a reason as, "Your coworkers didn't like you." I had heard from another friend who had a connection that this company had a high turnover rate and were difficult to work with, but this new information confirmed it for me.
While I drove through the cold rain back home I felt God whisper to me, Do you trust me now?
It's hard to practice what you preach and take a little of your own medicine, but all of it is for our good. God doesn't put us through hardships for the pleasure of seeing us struggle. No, friend, your hardship is not invisible to God. He doesn't always give us the answers to our questions in the ways we want Him to. We don't always get to know why He doesn't open certain doors for us. What we do know is sometimes when a door doesn't open it's for our protection. It's just like my father yelling out of fear when I started to cross a busy street without looking as a child. God's looking out for us in ways we don't realize, and He sees those rushing cars that would blindside us otherwise.
The refining process is not an easy one, and quite often, it hurts. So, the question I'm asking myself now: How is this hardship refining me in my relationship with the Lord? What am I losing that's bringing me closer to God?
Unfortunately, this is an ongoing process. We are all only human, but this brings all sorts of baggage we have to deal with at some point. Letting go of a heavy suitcase frees your hands for other things and clears the path ahead of you. So, what are you holding onto that God is asking you loosen your grip or let go of completely? Can you point to something physically in your life, or is it some mental baggage you've never dealt with?
I'm still working on the answer to this myself. It's a work in progress, as the title suggests, but I would encourage and challenge anyone reading this to open yourself up to this idea of letting go. Make yourself a big cup of coffee, find a cozy chair, ask God to reveal the areas of your life you keep tightly gripped in your hands instead of His, and read a passage in your Bible. You might be surprised at what you learn.
All I'll say is this: Be ready to move, and ask for help from trusted friends.
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